Good manners in children are seen as a sign of good parenting. But how can you get your little ones to remember their pleases and thank yous when they’re yet to learn how to tie their shoelaces? The truth is, teaching kids manners isn’t easy, but there are some simple strategies that you can adopt. Below, we’ve put together some of our preferred methods…
Keep it simple
Try not to overdo it: your three-year-old doesn’t need to know how to eat with their knife and fork in the right hand, nor use ‘excuse me’. Start off with the basics and get ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ nailed before you try anything else. If you overwhelm your little ones with lots of unnecessary etiquettes, the chances are that they’ll disengage and won’t want to participate.
Practice good manners
Perhaps one of the most important things we can suggest is to practice good manners as part of your household: there’s little point in asking Jimmy to say please before you give him his dinner if your teenage daughter doesn’t. Make a conscious effort to act as a positive role model for your young children: thank them for drawing a picture, say please when you ask them to brush their teeth. In time, these pleasantries will become second nature to your kid. Good manners shouldn’t be reserved for when you’re in company or you’re eating out in a restaurant: they should be part of your everyday routine if you want to set the right example.
Don’t embarrass them
Your little ones are yet to develop the social skills needed to navigate the world, so don’t go too hard on them if they forget to say please. Remind them gently, and use manners when you’re disciplining them at home. For example, rather than “Stop shouting - how many times do I have to ask you to be quiet?”, use a phrase like “Please use your inside voice.” Positive reinforcement can be more effective and help little ones become polite and well-mannered.
Above all, it’s about respect. If your child is rude, take them to one side and discuss the issue at hand in private. Criticising them in front of friends or family members could embarrass them and cause them to become even ruder as their way of getting back at you. Let them know where they went wrong and offer them an opportunity to put things right.
… but have consequences
Having said that, it’s important to enforce consequences if your children behave badly or are purposefully ill-mannered. And as your child grows up, your bar for manners should climb, too. For example, if your child demands that they want chicken nuggets for dinner, ask them to say please and thank you, and show them that they can’t always have what they want. It’s good to give them consequences: if they don’t say thank you after you give them something, don’t be afraid to take it away until they do. In time, they’ll learn between right and wrong.
Give them praise
When you notice that your little one has been polite - whether it was saying good morning to a passing neighbour or holding the door open for a friend, praise them. Toddlers and young people love compliments, so let them know that they’re doing well. They’ll learn what’s right and wrong and will be more likely to remember their manners when interacting with others. For example, “I’m really proud of you for saying thank you to the lady at the supermarket.”
Rely on videos
Another way to get your little ones to adopt please and thank you is to watch fun educational videos, like the free cartoons for kids at Everything’s Rosie. Watching engaging characters behave respectfully and with manners will show your little ones how they should behave, too, and they can learn some important life lessons from television shows. Granted, it might not happen overnight, but repeated exposure to respectful dialogue will have an impact.
Be realistic
Finally, it’s important to be realistic. It’s natural to want to raise the most well-behaved child in class, but teaching good manners can take time. You’ll naturally suffer frustrations and disappointments along the way - the key is to be consistent, don’t give in, and practice what you preach. In time, your little ones will behave exactly how you want them to. Good luck!